FED-EX LIFESTYLE PRODUCTS.

Sorry music people, I havent exactly been keeping things musically based recently. This was too funny not to share. A man that builds all his furniture out of fed-ex boxes.

http://www.fedexfurniture.com/

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SCENE - PART II

YO, so after reading James repping his ends me and nick thought we'd also take the oppertunity to shout out our local heroes; REUBEN.



1. We just picked up their new DVD and it's pretty inspiring stuff for a new band like us. These boys have worked their tits off for over half a decade and everything they've released has been the mutt's nuts... and they're funny motherfuckers. nothing but respect for Reuben in the H! camp.

2. Also originally from not far from us is Mr.Frank Turner, Frank fronted Million Dead, whose second and last album 'Harmony No Harmony' was in my opinion the best album released by a british band in a very long time, very little since can touch their integrity and passion. Since their demise Frank's been touring relentlessly solo, I organised a gig for him in Leeds last year and frankly (sorry) it was fucking great.

3. A mutual friend of mine and Elle Milano introduced me to their brilliantly titled EP 'Swearing's For Art Students' last year. They're leicester based I think, but i'm told half of them are from our ends. they make noisy manic artrock stuff with ace lyrics, In what I imagine are their own words:

'They donate a calculated cynicism of the innescapable clichés of industry-manufactured popular culture and the shallow consumerist attitudes of the information age, but also of the British indie rock scene and pretentious, flippant, student culture.'

Deep. their album is out later this year. check it out yo.

4. Since I've been away I've been hearing a fair bit of talk about Meet Me In St Louis, I'm yet to see them live, but this
is very promising.

SORRY YOUR NOT A WINNER

I finally worked out the lyrics to the anthemic 'Sorry Your Not a Winner' by the band who my dad calls... Enter Shakira. (as Pilau once said... Enter Shakira?...I certainly would)

Scratchcard berry!
What is slow pleasure?
That boy sells bass!
Don’t look back now
My wifes a bowl, (do you remember?)
My Wifes a bowl,
Well someones stuck blue tac in my eye!

Sorry your not,
A winner with the airs so cold and lifes so bitter,
What have you got!
to lose but false intentions and a life so pretentious

Scratch card berry,
What is slow passion?
That guys nosebleed,
Don’t look back now!
My wife’s a bowl,
Do you remember
That sweat’s dying.

What? [apt.]

Goodbye
Your wow!
EEEEE!

(Its such a con!)
(Insert your wife!)


Jokes aside, go and buy their album. Its flapping fantastic, and I can't get it off my stereo/itunes at the moment. Not that I am trying to. All the tracks in CD quality make the purchase price alone worthwhile, and when you buy it most of the money deservedly goes to the band themselves... not some middle-aged major label weasel. And they're from St Albans.

Awwooooooooga.

I found one of the most bizarre Internet cult thingy recently through our wonderful drummer Nick. All Nick had done was to fill his MSN Messenger quote with a phrase from a short story about Kriss Akabusi....

'He whispered Awooga into her ear, and patted her on the fanny.'

Intrigued, although a little confused it was enough to crack me up for about three minutes.

It turns out someone on the football365 forums had been posting up fictional, lurid pseudo-porn-mag, sex stories that involved the sexual deviance of former British athletic champion, children's television presenter and now motivational speaker Kris Akabusi(since taken down I may add). Akabusi's catchphrase as some of you may remember, was to belt out the non-word 'Awooga!' in times of jubilation. The stories posted were farcical and ridiculous tales of Akabusi's sexual escapades, littered with hideous sexual metaphors and which always finished with the above quote. The Kult of Awooga had begun.

After joining an Akabusi Appriciation Facebook group which Nick had invited to me, I stumbled upon another hilarious website, which had some Akabusi related banter. I surfed some of the links on the site which seem to deal with subvertisments, culture jamming and parody based humour and then noticed it was run by a member of Shitdisco. Upon finding this out I had no choice but to scream 'Awooga!' But I stopped short of patting Darren Shitdisco on the fanny.

Disclaimer for James's concience: These stories are of course made-up, and Kriss Akabusi is most likely a lovely, decent bloke. When searching for an image I found a fair few pictures of him posing with disabled kids, which seemed to reaffirm this and make me feel pretty guilty about this post. But the stories are just too funny not to share.